Second, “Top Secret” Page of MRBI Poll Found!

Rubbish Bins

The Irish DisPatch has found an unreleased, second page of the recent Irish Times/TNS mrbi poll by digging through certain, highly classified rubbish bins. When brought back to the DisPatch forensic labs, our scientists discovered that whoever owned the document probably suffered from the so-called “3 pm slump,” is it was covered with dried soup. From what they could decipher, it seems the questions asked related to politicians canvassing for elections.

Here are the results, although our forensic labs say they had to guess at some words and sections, due to excessive staining:

If a Fianna Fail candidate came to your door, would you:

• Hug them, and say you missed Bertie something terrible (12%)
• Engage in polite, constructive discourse (1%)
• Give them a “right earful” (43%)
• Release the hounds (34%)

Would a Fianna Fail candidate be better off showing up to your door with:

• Brian Cowan (1%)
• Brian Lenihan (.00001%)
• A rich developer (2%)
• A burly bodyguard in sunglasses who scared the shite out of you: (96.99999%)

If a Fianna Fail or Green Party member wished to say they had canvassed your area, but were too scared to meet anyone, what would be the best time for them to creep down the street in a stealthy manner?

• 3am – 4am: (20%)
• 4am – 5am (21%)
• During Eurovision: (26%)
• Never. It’s just too dangerous: (33%)

If a Green Party member was canvassing in your area, should he/she:

• Pretend to be a neighbour who just moved in and wished to re-use and re-cycle Green Party leaflets he/she had just happened to find (22%)
• Act surprised when told they are in government and change the subject to the relative merits of different kinds of insulation (13%)
• Admire the flowers/hedges and give gardening tips (50%)